They say that history repeats itself. It seems far-fetched at first glance, but this is definitely grounded in some truth. Especially when it comes to our personal lives, the past has a sneaky way of always catching up, always repeating.
This couldn't be more true when we think about relationships. Do you feel as if no matter what happens, your relationships ultimately fail? Being stuck in a cycle of not knowing how to ensure your relationships are healthy and last is hard. It's even more challenging when you are with someone, and you can't prevent the same arguments or situations from happening time after time.
Thankfully, we can use the past as a way to successfully ensure we have a better future. Here's how.
Learning From The Past To Avoid Repeating Relationship Mistakes
Own Up To Your Shortcomings
Nobody likes to admit that they have made mistakes. We don't like, generally, to be introspective and see something that we don't care for. Part of personal growth, however, is admitting when you have things you need to work on.
Look at your past relationships and try to remember certain parts. Was there something multiple partners' mentioned that you did or said they found annoying?
Work on those things. There's always room for improvement.
Look At How Your Past Relationships Ended
Some relationships end amicably because you find out you are better off as friends. Others? Well, they don't end on the best of terms.
Look at your past relationships; how did they end? Was it because of cheating? Or a difference in goals or personality that ultimately would not work for both of you?
This helps you determine if you have trust issues because of past partners. Or if certain personality types or life goals just don't mesh with you.
Having this knowledge can really help you realize what kind of relationship you want to have in the future. That alone can help prevent the past from repeating.
What Are Your Expectations?
Relationships can fail because expectations about the relationship and the future are not met.
What are the must-haves for your future? A house? Kids? Marriage? Moving away or staying local? Religion? Not agreeing on these things, in many cases, often results in a relationship ending. Ensure that you know what you want in a relationship so that you can find out if the person you are dating is on the same page.
Are your relationship expectations reasonable? Having too high of a standard about everything could ultimately spell disaster for the relationship. Flaws are what make us unique. Of course, you won't ever be able to accept some things. But just be sure that for smaller things, you are able to keep your standards at an achievable level.
Don't Rush Anything
Humans are social creatures. We don't like to be alone, generally. We crave companionship, love, and connection. This is why so many of us rush into the next relationship quickly after the last one ends.
It's time to stop this cycle. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone. But, use the in-between time as a way to cherish and get to know you. Work on yourself and your goals. Make time to see friends or family you haven't in a while.
Let yourself be comfortable with the idea of being single for a while. It will help you to regroup, look at the list above, and figure out what is in your control to change. Focusing on what you have control over can be a huge step to ensuring past relationships aren't repeated.
If you want to learn more about individual therapy or how relationship counseling can help you, don't hesitate to reach out.